It’s been almost two months since my conversion. I have been shocked that the most common question I am asked is, “So what do I call you now?”
Of all the things to ask about a conversion, that’s the first thing that comes to mind?? Maybe it’s the most polite (and practical) thing to ask, but I never expected to get this question. It just didn’t occur to me that the conversion is the most practical time to change one’s name.
There was nothing to prevent me from choosing to call myself by my Hebrew name prior to my conversion. In fact, I do it here to blog anonymously. Because of that, many of you out there only know me as Kochava and still refer to me as that. However, I have never gone by Kochava “in real life.” Of the people who choose to adopt their Hebrew name, they generally seem to start using it full-time long before conversion is imminent.
Why would someone choose to change right at the moment of conversion? We’re all different, and I can imagine some reasons for that, but it seems unusual in practice. Either people adopt it early on or they adopt it later (many adopt their Hebrew name when making aliyah to Israel). It seems that few people adopt it as soon as they come out of the mikvah. To me, that seems like the “purist” approach: don’t go by your Hebrew name until you are, in fact, a Hebrew. Right? Makes sense. Maybe that used to be more common or maybe rabbis used to set that as the rule.
I happen to have an amazing Hebrew name. So why wouldn’t I choose to use it? My English name also happens to be an amazing name, and I am very connected to it. I may choose to go by Kochava at some future point, but not now.
At the most basic, and as I mentioned somewhere else on the blog, I’m the same person I’ve always been. I don’t see a contradiction (or even dissonance) between my “former” life and who I am now. Because of that, I feel like it would be disingenuous to essentially take on a new identity.
Everyone is different, and everyone will approach this question differently. This is just how I approached my own case. Every person’s experiences (especially when you’re dealing with identity!), their family history, and each person’s community situation (especially if dating) may require a differnet analysis in every person’s case. Even generational differences could play a part. There is literally no end to the factors a person must consider when deciding whether to change one’s name (Jewishly or legally).
Your case is clearly a little different, due to the multiple conversions, but my husband didn't have a Hebrew name until his conversion-mostly because he was still deciding what it was going to be right up until mikvah!
i figure I'm going to change my name anyway when I get married, and I already changed it once when I was a child. My family calls me by one name, everyone else calls me a different one. I like my Hebrew name, it rocks :). But I plan on using that in three places, my conversion certificate, my ketuba, and my grave stone. While I do love the Hebrew name, I have enough legal identities that I don't feel like I need to add to my casual ones as well. So I kept Stella aka Ora Adara.
I also know people who took a while to decide their Hebrew names. They started using their new names right after the mikveh because that was the deadline to pick a name.
My given name is my Hebrew name (thanks, mom!!) but if that hadn't been the case I still would have just gone by my given name. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking people to call me by a new name.
There's an interesting teshuva (responsa) from R' Moshe Feinstein where he explains why it's not a prohibition to be called be a secular name. He says that before mattan-Torah the Yidden were m'tzuyanim (stood out/excelled) in their unique Jewish names, garb, and language. That's what bound them as a people. AFTER mattan-Torah, however, it is the mitzvos of the Torah that serves this function, which is why it's certainly a nice thing to be called by one's Jewish name, but not an obligation.
throwing in my two cents. Having lived in this life associating as a Christian for nearly 29 years for me it was just part of the outward change to reflect the inward one I was making. My family still calls me by my english name of course. And to be honest as weird as it may sound I don't feel a single bit different now then I did then. Closer to my spiritual goal and more at peace in it, yes. But I was always searching, so it's not like one day I was Christian and the next day I was like "Hey, I think I'll change my name a be a Jew!". It was a very long road to get here and making the change was extremely difficult and I had to leave behind almost everything in my life–friends and social groups and so so forth. I wanted the name change to reflect the journey I have been on. I like both of my names just fine however and really have no preference on what people call me.
I have been living the Jewish lifestyle for over a year and a half and I am now ready to formalize my status and move towards conversion. Although I continue to be known in the secular world by my legal and "business" names, about six months ago it became important to me to find a Hebrew name which I have been using while developing relationships and roots in my community… it actually has helped me transition emotionally and intelectually into my Jewish self. My only concern now is that I found a couple of other Hebrew names I love! Gavriella (Shira Chava) š
Well you can always save that name for any possible future children or grand children š
If and when I convert, the only reason I'd consider going by Esther would be because it would make living in an English-speaking country SO MUCH EASIER. … Okay, that's not the only reason, maybe, but it'd be a big perk.
There are examples of Jewish names that are not Hebrew in origin. One being the various forms of Alexander, as well as the name Antigonus. I don't see any problem in using a secular name unless is has huge meaning to another religion such as Jesus or Christina. In fact, I even met an Av Beit Din who said you have to legally change a name like that before completing a conversion with him. I'm sure many rabbis would agree with him.
I started going by my adopted name *in the mikveh.* They asked what it would be, I told them, and they used it. However, my given name also happens to be a good Hebrew name and it serves as my DBA for day to day affairs. I'm only known to by kehal by my adopted name. It works, it keeps things simple.
Is there a website for the Hebrew name change process?