Oh gee willikers, guys. There’s so much going on. And I can finally share it with you!
First, let’s talk about some personal stuff. I fell off the face of the earth recently, and now I can tell you why: I’m finally pregnant for the first time, and I’ve been sick as a dog. In fact, I just hit 9 weeks today, and I’ve already spent this week on bedrest because of an infection. Which reminds me: throw out a prayer for Kochava Yocheved bat Sarah when you get a chance, ok?
You think you’re “late” having kids at 31 in the orthodox community? I knew I was in trouble when it seemed like half my law school had already given birth, since demographics show us to be the latest breeders in American society. I’ve benefitted from the fact that most of my friends, Jewish and not, have already had children, and I plan to keep exploiting their wisdom. I’ve struggled for a long time with infertility and polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), and being open about those challenges has been such a blessing to me that it was natural to share my pregnancy in a similar way.
We’ll talk a bit more in another post about pregnancy customs in the orthodox world, but one is identical to a secular American custom: not announcing a pregnancy until the second trimester, for fear that one might announce and then have to explain a miscarriage. I disagree with this custom, so I announced at 6 weeks. And so far, it’s one of the best decisions I ever made.
Who would disagree with such a reasonable sounding custom? I have seen many women post their pregnancy announcements, followed quickly by statements about how hard it was to be so sick during the first trimester and not be able to tell anyone. If you had the flu, you could tell your coworkers or friends why you cancelled plans or took some time off or became a little scatterbrained. I was immediately sick when I found out at 4.5 weeks, and I cannot imagine not being able to ask for appropriate accommodations. In fact, I had to skip out on bedrest to give a class this morning and had to ask to present sitting down. It wasn’t a big deal, and we all had a great bonding moment over it (helps that it was a women’s bar association event!). Being able to share my struggles, both physically and emotionally, about becoming a mother has already been invaluable to me. I don’t have much experience with kids, and I grew up with an abusive mother. Parenthood has always been a very complicated idea for me, and I’m continually thankful to be reminded that I’m not alone in my struggles and worries and even ambivalence. Gd forbid, if I should miscarry, I’ll need the same support and advice. It’s not for everyone, but it’s for me. It doesn’t help that both I and my husband don’t have living mothers or any sisters. Facebook and texting has filled the need that most people fill within their families.
Likewise, I have seen the shame and pain of women who suffered miscarriages and felt they couldn’t tell anyone. Of course, I only learned these women’s struggles months or years after it happened. Grief is one of the worst things to happen to your work and personal relationships. It changes everything, at least for a while. After my mother died a year and a half ago, I can’t imagine if I had to keep it a secret. And we’d been estranged for 15 years! Miscarriage is almost always unavoidable, and talking about it helps remove the stigma from an experience that affects 1 in 4 pregnancies. Making women feel forced to hide it is just plain cruel. And as I said above, if that happens to me, I’ll need all the support I can get.
So yeah. Happy things! Puppies! Glitter! Ice cream! And…
A New Website!
Second: the cool website stuff! You guys. We’re getting a new site! Both this site and my law firm’s site are in the process of being rebuilt, so you should see a completely reorganized blog/site (hosted on its very own domain!) in the near future. Web design takes a lot longer than I thought, but it’s going to be awesome. If you have suggestions for the new site, please feel free to email them to me at crazyjewishconvert at gmail or post them on the blog’s Facebook page.
Thank Gd, I got an affordable rate, but it’s still a very large expense, and I earn little to no money from this work. In four and a half years, I’ve earned a little over $200. Needless to say, I’m not doing this for the payday. If you’d like to contribute towards the site redesign, you can click that beautiful little “Donate Here” button in the right sidebar. I can’t offer you a tax deduction, unfortunately. But you’ll be helping converts and baalei teshuva make a smoother transition into the orthodox community! And to feel not so alone, like I did.
Thank you! PCOS is a lifelong pain, so I hope it's manageable for you. It boggles my mind that researchers estimate 20-25% of American reproductive-age women have PCOS, yet we don't test for it! I complained loudly of classic symptoms from the age of 12, and wasn't diagnosed until 30. The average time to diagnose is 10 YEARS. That is completely unacceptable. Sorry, I get all ranty about PCOS and medical care in America 🙂
Mazel tov! Basha'a tovah! I'm so happy for you! It's inspiring to this fellow PCOS lady. Hashem should bless you with a smooth 2nd and 3rd trimester and a healthy baby. 🙂
BeSha'ah Tova!
Mazel tov! Your blog has been a great resource for me to get out of my head and realize that I'm not the only one battling certain doubts and fears as a prospective convert. I think you're very brave for sharing your thoughts in such a raw and honest manner. It's a refreshing read. Thank you. 🙂