Jewish practice isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes? It just plain sucks.
And if you’re converting to Judaism, or navigating Jewish life with a disability or neurodivergence, that truth matters more than ever.
Take Passover, for example. I’m autistic. None of my safe foods are kosher for Pesach, matzah destroys my stomach, and by day four I’m usually nauseated, hungry, and wondering why no one warned me it could be like this.
We don’t talk enough about the hard parts. Not in classes, not in books, and definitely not in most conversion programs. But when we hide those realities, we set people up to suffer silently—and to internalize shame that was never theirs to carry.
In this video, I share what Pesach is really like for me and why we need to be more honest about the messy, painful, and unworkable parts of Jewish practice—especially for converts. Because shame thrives in silence. And you deserve better.
💬 I’d love to hear from you:
What parts of Jewish practice have felt unexpectedly hard for you?
Whether it’s Pesach, prayer, community, or something else entirely—your story matters. Drop a comment below or send me a message. Let’s stop suffering silently and start having the honest conversations we all deserve.
And if you’re looking for support as you navigate conversion or Jewish life with your full, beautiful complexity, I offer 1:1 coaching and practical resources to help you move forward without burning out.
✨ Learn more or book a session here: Work with Me
You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And there is a way through.
See transcript below.
Transcript:
Jewish practice isn’t all rainbows and unicorns.
Sometimes it sucks, and I think we do conversion candidates a disservice when we pretend like it doesn’t.
For example, I’m autistic and I spend Passover hungry and or nauseated.
If you know anything about autistics, it’s probably that we’re picky eaters.
We have a lot of food sensitivities and sensory sensitivities and gastrointestinal issues that cause us to have a more limited palate.
Unluckily for me, none of my “safe foods” are kosher for Passover.
I spend the week trying to cobble something together that I can force down, and often what I do eat makes me nauseated and/or sick.
Most of the time I just end up not eating it.
It is NOT true that everyone will eat something if they just get hungry enough.
And no one warned me about how a lot of people get gastro upsets from matzah,
sometimes significantly so. How on earth could it be that different from normal bread, but somehow it is according to my body.
Suffice to say Pesach is not my favorite holiday.
Nor my kids. We do what we have to to get through it.
If you don’t know me, hi, I’m Kochava, a Jewish convert helping others navigate the process of Jewish conversion with clarity, compassion, and real life support since 2010.
Whether you’re just starting out, somewhere in the messy middle, or you’re living post-mikvah, you’re in the right place.
Don’t get me wrong, I love some parts of Pesach.
But that can be small comfort on day four of being really hungry or nauseated.
And when your kids are complaining too.
Like I am right now.
We do conversion candidates a disservice when we don’t show the warts of our practice.
Because there will be things that are hard or that they hate or that just don’t work because of a disability or some other reason.
Without these stories, we just suffer silently and with a lot of unnecessary shame.
We also don’t realize that most of these problems can be worked with with the right rabbinic guidance.
We just keep pushing through and getting down on ourselves because it’s not the beautiful practice we think everyone else is having.
We just keep shoving matzah down our throats no matter how sick it makes you, as I did for years.
We doubt ourselves, we doubt Judaism, and we feel ashamed. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Stuff will sometimes be hard.
Stuff will sometimes suck.
Stuff will sometimes feel unworkable.
That’s when it’s time to ask for help without shame.
Because it does truly happen for everyone.
Not everything can be fixed, but a lot can, and the rest can still be improved.
If you’re looking for more support, I offer one-on-one coaching and consulting and practical resources, all designed to help you navigate conversion and Jewish life without burning out.
You’ll also find years of blog posts at Building a Jewish Life.com.
Full of real talk, encouragement, and the kind of clarity I wish I had had when I was starting out.
You can find it all at Building a Jewish Life.com. Chag sameach!
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