Imposter syndrome during the Jewish conversion process isn’t just about feeling insecure – it’s about living inside a system that constantly makes you prove yourself. You’re asked to show your sincerity, your growth, your commitment – while navigating a whole world of unspoken rules. And somehow, if you mess up? It’s on you.
This video breaks it all down – how imposter syndrome actually shows up in conversion, why it isn’t your fault, and what you can do to fight back. I share 7 powerful strategies that helped me, plus one truth I wish someone had told me sooner: imposter syndrome doesn’t magically disappear after conversion. But it does get easier to talk back to.
If you’ve ever whispered to yourself, “Maybe I’m not Jewish enough,” this one’s for you.
See transcript below.
Transcript:
Imposter syndrome in the Jewish conversion process is about more than just doubting yourself.
It’s about being in a system that makes you prove yourself constantly
while navigating a process where the expectations are often unspoken,
but you’re still punished for breaking them
if you feel like you’re faking it, this video is for you.
So how does imposter syndrome show up in the Jewish conversion process?
Feeling like you don’t belong or that you might be found out.
Haven’t earned your place,
doubting your sincerity or knowledge.
Comparing yourself to born Jews or “better” conversion candidates.
I’m not really “Jewish” yet, so do I have the right to do X, Y, or Z?
Everyone else is doing this better than me.
Am I doing this for the right reasons?
Imposter syndrome during the conversion process is not a personal failing.
It’s the natural result of a system where acceptance is conditional. Authority is one-sided,
and your legitimacy is questioned by design.
You’re not imagining it. You’re not broken.
You’re navigating a power differential.
Let’s start here.
Imposter syndrome isn’t just internal doubt.
It is often a completely logical reaction
to an environment that makes you prove yourself constantly.
In the conversion process, you’re regularly evaluated. You have to earn access to rituals, holidays, sometimes even community.
You’re often the only person in the room who has to explain yourself over and over and over again,
and you’re not allowed to say, “I’m Jewish,” even if you’re living a Jewish life.
That constant state of being almost accepted, almost enough.
It’s disorienting, you begin to question yourself. Am I good enough? Am I doing it right? Do they think I’m just pretending?
But it’s not because you’re failing,
it’s because you’re inside a structure that always treats you like you’re on probation… and you are.
Of course that’s gonna mess with your head.
You’re not broken. You’re responding to power dynamics.
Hi, if you don’t know me, I’m Kochava, the blogger behind Building a Jewish Life.com.
I am a Jewish convert who helps other conversion candidates navigate the conversion process. Hack #1, imposter syndrome thrives in silence.
Let’s be blunt, the conversion process is built on asymmetrical power.
Rabbis and batei din hold the keys to your future, and your present.
You’re expected to defer, accommodate, submit, all with a smile on your face.
You might be discouraged from asking questions, voicing needs, or setting healthy boundaries.
And if you do speak up, you risk being labeled “not ready” or “not a good fit.”
That is a setup to manufacture self-doubt.
Hack #2.
Find safe people you can be real with.
Sympathetic ears, online communities, trusted friends.
But beware the spiritual bypassers. If you’ve never heard of spiritual bypassing,
spiritual bypassing is
when someone uses spiritual language or ideas to avoid dealing with emotional pain,
systemic harm, or uncomfortable truths,
it’s when you share a struggle and someone responds with “everything will work out in the end.”
” Everything happens for a reason.” “Just trust Hashem more.”
” You’re being tested.”
” It’s all part of the process.”
” Well, at least you’ll be Jewish in the end!”
And the big one, “it’ll all be worth it!”
On the surface, it sounds comforting.
But in practice,
It ignores your pain. It pressures you to be okay when you’re not.
It keeps the system from being questioned because if your pain is justified, then why fix it?
Conversion candidates are already carrying so much fear, the weight of conditional belonging, the fear of being seen as “ungrateful” or “uncommitted.”
The exhaustion of performing joy and devotion 24/7.
When someone hits you with a spiritual platitude when you’re falling apart, it doesn’t help. It isolates you
instead of giving you permission to feel, grieve, or get support.
It silently says, “don’t make this messy.”
” Don’t make this inconvenient. Don’t break the illusion,”
and you end up thinking “maybe I should be stronger. Maybe this is my fault.”
Nope. Absolutely not.
What should people say instead?
” That sounds awful. I’m really sorry for what you’re going through.”
” You’re not broken. This process is really hard.”
” Let’s talk about what you need right now, not what you ‘should’ feel.”
These are the people who see you and will stay with you during the hard stuff,
not skip to the “happily ever after.”
hack #3, learn Jewish stories of imperfection.
Let’s talk about the Jewish late bloomer legend, Rabbi Akiva.
When we first meet Rabbi Akiva, he is not “Rabbi Akiva.” He’s a poor shepherd who doesn’t even know the aleph bet. He doesn’t know any Hebrew,
doesn’t know Torah.
Some say he actively disliked Jewish scholars.
And he wasn’t some young teenager at this point. He was 40 years old. That’s my age now.
So what changed?
He married a woman named Rachel, who is the daughter of a wealthy merchant,
and her father disowned her for marrying Akiva.
Rachel believed in Akiva’s potential,
and so she encouraged him to learn Torah.
He went away to learn Torah and came back with 24,000 students, and he’s considered one of the greatest sages of Jewish history.
Here’s a good quote attributed to Rabbi Akiva. ” I was not a learned man,
but I saw water dripping onto a rock.
If water, though soft, can carve stone, then how much more can Torah, which is strong, affect my heart.”
This is all about how slow progress still counts. You are never too old to start new things.
You might not see change immediately, but you can always improve steadily.
It’s okay to start wherever you are so long as you keep going.
Hack #4, practice “acting Jewish” and embrace the awkwardness of it.
Jewish practice takes time to feel natural. Some things may never feel natural to you.
You’re not faking it, you’re practicing it.
We need to normalize stumbling through life. If social media has taught me anything in recent years, is that we are all stumbling through life.
Hack #5, interrupt the comparison spiral.
You are not failing because you don’t know Hebrew and haven’t baked challah.
Born Jews come in all flavors and observance levels.
Anytime you’re tempted to compare yourself to others, remember, you need to compare yourself only to you. Think of your past self and how far you’ve come.
Hack #6. Write your own intentions, kavanot, for times when you have doubt.
I think this is a great practice. It’s kind of like a mantra or an affirmation. Giving yourself an intention to think through at times when your brain is just spiraling off into imposter syndrome.
Let your intentions be raw and real, not performative. They don’t need to be pretty and they don’t need to be for anyone but you.
So what might some of these look like?
” I am not here to prove anything. I’m here to come home to myself.”
” I might not know all the words. I might not follow every cue, but I showed up and that matters.”
” May I answer with truth and courage, even if my voice shakes.”
” it’s okay to need support.” ” It’s okay to not know something.”
” I’m allowed to take up space even when I’m struggling.”
” This meeting does not define me. It only defines where I am at this point in time.”
” Hashem knows my heart.”
Wanna write your own? Here’s some starters to help you. ” Let me…”
” I release…”
” I’m here to…”
“even when I feel , I still choose .” What kavanot will you write for yourself?
Hack #7. Track your growth like evidence in a court case.
Imposter syndrome is constantly looking for evidence. Evidence that you’re not good enough. Evidence that you’re screwing up. Evidence that you’re going to be found out as a fraud. So flip the script. Find the evidence that you do belong. Find the evidence that you are learning and growing and building this new life that you want.
Journal, spreadsheet, voice notes, whatever works.
You’re building a case for your belonging. Keep those receipts.
Consider making a Jewish journey wins spreadsheet.
Celebrate your wins, whether it’s Shabbat, holidays, rituals, Hebrew, learning, Navigating doubt, asking for support, emotional growth, or just the “I showed up” moments.
Identity milestones. Like the first time you say “we” when you’re talking about Jews.
You can include things like “I didn’t cry in shul today.”
“I lit candles, even though my sink was full of dishes.”
” Tried saying Modeh Ani out loud. Felt silly, but I did it anyway.”
” Didn’t explain myself to a relative who doesn’t get it.”
use this tracker to give yourself the gold stars for the struggles that no one else sees.
As a bonus, I’ve drafted a Jewish wins tracker spreadsheet, and if you’d like a copy, it’s free. You just need to sign up for my mailing list, which you can find in the description below.
Hey, so I was editing and realized I left out the most important part.
Here’s the truth, no one tells you: imposter syndrome doesn’t go away after you finish your conversion.
I finished my Orthodox conversion over 13 years ago, and it still sneaks up on me from time to time.
Doubts, weak moments, wondering if you belong. That’s all part of being human.
They don’t vanish.
The goal isn’t to erase imposter syndrome forever.
It’s to recognize it sooner, talk back faster
and not let it run your life.
Sometimes it’s just a whisper. A tiny, “you don’t belong here.”
sometimes it’s a roar.
But with time, you build better tools.
You catch it quicker.
You stop believing every thought your brain throws at you.
Because belonging isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about showing up anyway.
You are not an imposter. You’re at a natural part of the process of becoming Jewish. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable. It has a disturbing amount of things in common with going through puberty again.
You’re becoming a new person in a sense. That’s gonna have growing pains. Imposter syndrome is part of that, but it doesn’t have to define you and it can be beaten.
If you’ve made it this far through the video, thank you. I hope you’ll leave down in the comments below your favorite hack for defeating imposter syndrome.
If you need more support, check out my coaching and blogging at Building a Jewish Life.com.
