Why would someone convert to Judaism twice?
It’s a question I get a lot—and honestly, it’s a fair one.
But it’s also very common.
The first time I converted, I thought I had found my middle path. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t done. What followed was years of wrestling, recommitting, and rebuilding. My story isn’t linear or easy—but it is real. And if you’re somewhere in the mess of figuring out your own Jewish journey, I want you to know you’re not alone.
This post is the long version—the unfiltered, behind-the-scenes journey from my first conversion to my Orthodox one. It’s about what I got wrong, what I survived, and what I’ve learned after over 15 years of helping others navigate their own path into Jewish life.
Let’s dive in.
Transcript below.
Transcript:
Why did I convert to Judaism twice?
The short version:
I started conservative, then I realized I needed to be Orthodox.
But the long version?
Hi, I’m Kochava. I’m a Jewish convert
and I’ve been helping other Jewish converts navigate the conversion process for over 15 years through my blog, Building a Jewish Life.com. Which you might have heard in its prior name: You’re Not Crazy.
So if you know anything about Jewish conversion, you probably know that there are “levels” of it.
Some groups are stricter and some groups are more lenient when it comes to Jewish law, halacha.
And in Jewish life, the stricter groups don’t recognize the conversions of the more lenient groups.
I knew that going in.
I flirted with orthodoxy for years. That was my entryway into the Jewish world,
but I wasn’t sure if I could commit to that level of observance. It was a lot.
I kept trying to walk away from Judaism altogether.
It always pulled me back.
Eventually I chose kind of a middle path, a conservative conversion.
And the day of the conversion, everything went wrong.
I mean, yeah, I converted in the end, but it was a bad experience.
So by the end of it, I felt in my gut that I was wrong, that I should have done an orthodox conversion in the first place.
I’d made the wrong decision,
so I changed course immediately.
I immediately started living an Orthodox life. Like when I went home that day, immediately.
And began working towards an Orthodox conversion.
And I had to start over.
I couldn’t move to a bigger Jewish community yet because I was still in law school.
But I did everything I could from where I was. Not being able to move to the right place is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in conversion we have. It was not easy.
Besides the normal conversion issues, I dealt with rabbinic bullying and sexual harassment from different rabbis.
Unfair accusations. I got kicked out of the beit din.
Their partner beit din took me in and converted me in less than six months.
There was an investigation into what happened
while I was still trying to prove my sincerity and readiness to this new beit din and try to start life over again in a completely different part of the country.
From that first negative conversion experience to the second negative converting experience
to the third beit din, which was a very positive experience.
All told it took almost exactly two years, even though I had years of study beforehand. From my first interest in Judaism until my Orthodox conversion was about seven years.
Even with all the learning and practice that I had under my belt, I still had to fight to be taken seriously.
If your story is similar or you worry about making the “wrong” choice,
please know you’re not alone.
This process is hard and it’s messy, but it’s also sacred.
It reminds me of the phrase “machloket l’shem shemayim”,
arguments for the sake of heaven.
Sacred struggling, sincere questions, real searching.
And you’re allowed to change your mind.
You’re allowed to keep going and trying new things.
You don’t have to get it perfect to keep showing up.
