The (Usually) Unspoken Message Many Conversion Candidates Hear
Too many of us — whether through words or tone, directly or disguised as “good advice” — are told that conversion candidates aren’t worth a rabbi’s time. That we’re a waste of it. That our questions are a nuisance. That we should somehow earn our place. And even worse, that money and status are how we earn that place.
I know this pain intimately. And I want to tell you — you are not a burden. Needing support doesn’t make you less deserving. It makes you human, and it makes you part of the community.
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Remember: Your questions are sacred. Your place is waiting. You belong.
Transcript below.
Transcript:
One question. One sentence. Years of shame.
The rabbi didn’t say I was a burden, but he didn’t have to.
I asked a simple question. His response? “You don’t pay me.”
I wasn’t a member of his synagogue. I couldn’t be.
And what I heard was, you don’t belong here.
And I carried that shame for years
until I realized that showing up with sincerity should count more than showing up with a checkbook.
He was a bully, like really. But he wasn’t the only one who said things like that to me.
Too many of us are told directly, or indirectly with good intentions,
that conversion candidates are not worth a rabbi’s time.
That we’re a waste of it. But we’re not. I wasn’t asking for too much. I was just asking the wrong person.
But here’s what changed. I stopped waiting to deserve support.
Because I finally understood that the people who truly care won’t make you beg.
The teachers worth learning from want your questions.
And needing support does not make you a burden; it makes you part of the community.
I met rabbis who treated questions as sacred, not inconvenient.
Mentors who responded with kindness, not condescension.
One question. One sentence. Years of shame.
The rabbi didn’t say I was a burden, but he didn’t have to.
I asked a simple question. His response? One question. One sentence. Years of shame.
The rabbi didn’t say I was a burden, but he didn’t have to.
I asked a simple question. His response?
And eventually I started creating the kinds of spaces I once ached for, where dignity isn’t conditional and sincerity is more than enough.
Now I know you don’t have to earn your place. You already belong.
And asking for help isn’t a nuisance. It’s a mitzvah.
