Back-to-school season is here—and if you or your kids are the only Jews in the building, it comes with a lot more than supply lists and schedules. ✡️
Get the free Back-to-School Jewish Life guide in my Resource Library when you join the mailing list in the sidebar to your right. 💙 It’s packed with printables, trackers, and tools—including the companion workbook for this video—so you’re ready for whatever this school year throws at you.
Because when you’re the lone Jew in class, it’s not just math, reading, and science—it’s also explaining holidays, setting boundaries, handling those “just curious” questions, and sometimes dealing with antisemitism. In this post (and video), I’m sharing what to expect, how to protect your peace, and ways to build a support system so you’re not carrying it all alone.
Part 1: Back to School as a Jew? Here’s What No One Tells You | Jewish Back-to-School Part 1
Part 3: Finding Peace in Jewish Traditions During Busy School Days! | Jewish Back-to-School Part 3
Transcript below.
Transcript:
Back to school season hits different when you’re the only Jew in the building.
From calendar clashes to awkward questions, this video is your guide to surviving and thriving
when you or your kid are the lone Jew in class. This video will help you whether you’re sending your kid to preschool or you yourself are in grad school.
For you, school isn’t just math and reading. It’s also about educating your teachers, setting boundaries and managing those “just curious” microaggressions.
This video walks through what to expect and how to build support systems so you’re not carrying it all on your shoulders.
Hi again. I’m Kochava from Building a Jewish Life.com. I’m a Jewish convert who’s been helping people navigate the Jewish conversion process since 2010.
This is part two of my Back to School Jewish Life series. You can find a link to part one here and down below in the description.
Be sure to subscribe so that you get part three when it drops.
So let’s talk about being visibly Jewish in not so Jewish spaces.
If you or your kids are the only Jew in the room. Or even worse, the only Jew they’ve ever met.
You know that back to school can come with questions, stares, and sometimes flat out antisemitism.
If you’re navigating conversion, spiritual growth, or just trying to stay anchored in a world that isn’t always welcoming to Jews,
make sure to subscribe and join the mailing list at Building a Jewish Life.com.
When you join the mailing list, you’ll get immediate free access to a Resource Library that includes printables and trackers and other resources that would be useful to you, including a workbook to go along with this video series.
I want you to feel less alone and more supported.
Today we’re talking about navigating Jewish identity in places where it isn’t common. Or just not understood.
We’ll cover what to say when people get nosy. How to draw boundaries without guilt and how to respond when something crosses the line into antisemitism.
If you’ve ever left a classroom or a conversation wondering ” was that okay?” This video is for you.
In the last video, we talked more about logistics:
calendar, supplies, snacks,
but back to school isn’t just physical, it’s emotional.
And for a lot of us, it can be spiritual too.
Being visibly Jewish in the classroom is sometimes uncomfortable, but it’s also very holy.
Your Jewish identity does not need to come with a public explanation.
You’re allowed to be figuring out in real time. You don’t have to be the perfect Jew in order to be a Jew in public.
Society wants you to feel that your actions reflect on the entire Jewish people, and to a degree, yeah, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean that you need to be perfect before being visible as a Jew. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s okay. People who are gonna hate Jews because you did something wrong
were gonna hate Jews anyway.
For some of these conversations, you wanna get out ahead of the problem. You wanna talk to your teachers in advance.
Especially before the holidays come up in the fall. There’s a lot of days off from school that you’re gonna have to navigate.
Not just to excuse absences, but also to offer context.
You can send in a short explanation of what the holiday is about. For younger kids, you can offer to read a book to the class.
You don’t owe your school or your teachers a crash course in Judaism, but offering context can plant seeds
for you or your kid, or the next one.
If you’re the only Jewish student in your program, your dorm, or your friend group, it’s okay to feel weird about that.
At the university level, you can look into groups like Hillel and Chabad and Jewish Student Unions. There might be Jewish professional groups, like I went to law school and was a member of the Jewish Law Students Association.
Likewise, I was able to join professional groups as a student member, like I was able to join the Jewish Bar Association when I was a student.
But don’t feel obligated to join any of these groups. They’re not necessary. They’re just nice to have. And every program is gonna have its own feel and its own social group. If it’s not the right place for you, it’s totally fine to skip.
Find what fits you and your needs,
Even if that’s just a Zoom study group. Or a Jewish friend you trade memes with.
So let’s be real. People get nosy and sometimes rude.
Let’s talk about how to protect your peace and your boundaries.
You don’t need to explain your entire belief system just because someone cornered you at a lunch table, especially if you’re not even sure what you believe yet. You’re allowed to still be figuring things out.
Whether it’s, “wait, you’re Jewish??” Or, “so do you believe in Jesus?”
Or “are you allowed to do that?”
It gets exhausting. Microaggressions might be “small,” but they add up.
So here’s some tips. You don’t owe anyone theology.
You are not the school rabbi.
Here are some phrases you can use instead. ” That’s private.” ” I don’t feel like talking about that right now.” ” Hey, did you hear about that new thing?”
” I’d rather not get into that here.” ” I’m still learning. I don’t have a full answer.”
If someone pushes and is a jerk to you, that’s on them, not you.
None of those answers are a cop out. Honesty and boundaries are both sacred. God doesn’t want you treated like crap.
You’re allowed to not have the answers,
and you’re definitely allowed to not have to perform for anyone else.
But what about when it’s not ” just curious” questions? What about when it feels like antisemitism?
If you’re suddenly experiencing antisemitism because you’re showing up more visibly Jewish at school, welcome. I wish we didn’t have to do this.
Look, sometimes it’s not curiosity,
it’s not awkwardness.
Sometimes it is antisemitism,
and if that’s something that you or your kids have to deal with, I’m so sorry. It’s not fair and it’s not right.
It’s not your fault and you’re not imagining it.
Antisemitism doesn’t always look like the headlines.
Sometimes it looks like subtle jabs that leave real wounds.
The “joke” in class.
The look when you pull out your lunch.
The teacher who suddenly won’t make eye contact.
So what should you do if it happens?
If you’re a parent and your child comes home upset, listen first. Don’t rush in trying to fix everything. ‘ cause quite frankly, you probably can’t fix it.
Ask what they need. Do they just wanna talk about it?
Do they want you to talk to the school or the teacher?
Or do they just wanna feel safe at home?
Whatever you decide, keep documentation of what was said or done, who was present when it happened, and where it happened, even if you’re not ready to escalate it yet.
As your friendly neighborhood internet lawyer, write it all down. Don’t trust your memory.
And remind your kid that being Jewish isn’t the problem. Hate is. Maybe you need to read a few books about antisemitism and how people have treated Jews throughout time to provide a bigger context to show that it’s not personal, that it’s not really about them at all.
If it happens to you, quite honestly, I want you to act kind of like that parent and parent yourself.
Pause, breathe, and write it all down.
A good way to make timestamps is to email the notes to yourself.
These moments can feel confusing, especially when they’re not “obvious” and you’re second guessing yourself.
If it made you feel unsafe, singled out, or excluded, just because you’re Jewish, it counts.
Now the big question: should you report it?
You are allowed to report antisemitism, and in an ideal world, they would respond appropriately
even if it wasn’t a slur. Even if it was “just a joke.”
Even if you’re worried that someone will say, “you’re overreacting. ” You are not.
But we live in the real world.
Sometimes reporting can make things worse, so reporting is always a personal decision, and you should never feel bad about yourself, whatever you decide. Cause there are no clear cut answers to these questions.
But here are some factors to consider. Will reporting make you or your child safer, or will it put you in more danger?
Is there a trusted adult or administrator who has your back? Having friends in high places is really the determining factor as to whether things actually get done sometimes, especially in highly bureaucratic places like schools and universities.
Is reporting guaranteed to be anonymous? Has reporting actually been anonymous in the past? Sometimes they say it is, but word gets around.
Are you likely to face retaliation or isolation? Will reporting make things better for other Jews either today or in the future?
And really importantly, do you want the school to intervene right now, or are you just making them aware of what happened
so that there is documentation in case things escalate?
You don’t have to want them to do anything. Sometimes you just want a record made in case it gets worse.
There is no right answer to any of these.
You don’t owe anyone a report,
and you also don’t owe anyone your silence.
Do what keeps you safest and honors your dignity.
If you do choose to report, again, document everything. Document who you talked to, when you talked to them, what you talked about, and what the action steps were that you agreed on.
And make sure everything is in writing. Do not just do this over the phone. If you do do it over the phone, make sure you send an email or a letter follow up. Paper, paper, paper. If you send it through the mail, get signed delivery.
You need your ducks in a row unfortunately. If you mess up some of those ducks, it’s probably fine, but do the best you can. I know it’s hard to think straight when you’re upset.
Keep your report factual and clear.
Especially if the incident is going to an HR department or to a school administrator.
You know how people will discount you if they think you’re being “too emotional.” Do the best you can,
but also be clear about how it affected you. Because that’s what hate crimes and hate speech is. It’s about how it affects a person because of their identity.
If you’re reporting in person, bring a support person with you.
They can witness the conversation and help advocate for you.
Again, witnesses are your friend and they can also help you when you get tongue tied.
And always, always, always follow up in writing.
It creates a paper trail and helps hold people accountable.
And if you don’t report, that doesn’t mean you’re letting it slide.
Sometimes choosing safety, stability, or peace of mind is the bravest option.
You don’t have to be a perfect representative of the Jewish community in order to deserve respect.
You don’t have to be calm, polite, or “educational” in the face of hate.
You just have to stay rooted in your truth and yourself
and in your community because your community is here to support you.
You’re not overreacting, you’re not making it up. And unfortunately, you’re not alone.
And most importantly, your safety, physical and emotional matters.
You get to be a work in progress
and still set boundaries that honor your Jewish identity.
I hope this video gave you a little bit more comfort and clarity.
If it did, I hope you’ll boop the like button down below,
and you can find even more free tools in my free Resource Library when you sign up for the mailing list at Building a Jewish Life.com.
All these tips on how to handle nosy questions and antisemitism are gonna be in that guide for back to school Jewish Life.
But there’s lots more for navigating Jewish identity when you feel like you’re walking alone.
And if you’re looking for consistent support and community,
come join us in Bayit Builders.
Bayit means house in a spiritual sense, as well as a physical sense.
This is my membership space for converts, conversion candidates, and any other Jewish seeker who is building a Jewish life from the ground up.
Make sure to subscribe so that you get notified about part three of this series.
We’re gonna shift into the spiritual side of this season. Tiny rituals, meaningful intentions,
and how to treat back to school as the sacred beginning that it is.
Subscribe so you don’t miss it.
And let me know in the comments:
what’s helped you stay grounded when you’re the only Jew in the room?
