Jewish conversion can be hard in ways that are normal and meaningful. Learning new rhythms, changing habits, and showing up consistently often feels uncomfortable, but still purposeful.
But not all difficulty is the same. Some experiences don’t build you – they wear you down. Confusion without explanation, constant anxiety, or feeling smaller over time aren’t signs of growth. They’re signs something is wrong.
In this video, I talk about how to tell the difference between hard and harmful in Jewish conversion – and why that distinction matters.
If you want support while navigating questions like this, Bayit Builders offers a place to think out loud and build with guidance and care. You can learn more or join here.
Transcript below.
Transcript:
If your Jewish conversion feels hard, that might be normal.
But if it feels harmful, that’s an entirely different thing.
And today I’m gonna explain the difference.
Because a lot of conversion candidates stay in situations that are hurting them, just because they’ve been told “conversion’s supposed to be hard.”
Hard is learning new rhythms. Hard is changing habits.
Hard is showing up consistently even when it’s uncomfortable.
Hard still feels purposeful, like it’s building something.
But harmful is confusion without explanations.
Harmful is anxiety or even crying after every meeting.
Harmful is never knowing what’s expected.
Or feeling smaller, quieter, and more afraid the longer it goes on.
Here’s the key difference: hard stretches you, harmful wears you down.
Growth asks something of you. Harm takes something from you.
Commitment shouldn’t come at the cost of your sense of self.
You are not a horse who needs to be broken.
If you’ve been telling yourself, ” this is just how it’s supposed to be,” but your nervous system is screaming otherwise… that reaction’s telling you something important.
And it’s not something shameful about you.
Hashem cares how you are treated.
And Hashem does not want you harmed.
Unfortunately, rabbis and community members are people.
They can help, and they can harm.
Hashem wants you to take good care of yourself, and that means learning how to deal with situations that are harmful.
My membership Bayit Builders is there so you don’t have to navigate questions like this alone.
I built Bayit Builders as a place to think out loud, learn how to ask better questions, and get perspective while you’re building a Jewish life.
If that kind of support sounds helpful, you can find out more at Building a Jewish Life.com/membership.
