Jewish conversion often feels vague in ways that can be deeply unsettling. Many people find themselves wondering whether their confusion is normal, or a sign that something is wrong – and too often, they turn that uncertainty inward.
Part of the challenge is that Judaism isn’t a checklist religion. It’s relational, communal, and lived over time. That means the conversion process is intentionally flexible, leaving room for growth, different community norms, and real-life practice.
But flexibility isn’t the same thing as a lack of clarity. In this video, I talk about how to tell the difference between healthy vagueness – the kind that supports growth – and harmful vagueness that leaves people anxious, guessing, and afraid to ask questions.
Learning to distinguish between the two is often the key to finding steadiness and direction in the conversion process.
If you’re looking for support while you’re still figuring things out – not after you feel “ready” – Bayit Builders was built for this stage. It’s a steady, practical community for people building a Jewish life in real time, with structure, guidance, and support along the way.
You can learn more about Bayit Builders or join us here.
Transcript below.
Transcript:
Jewish conversion can feel really vague.
How do you know when it’s normal or a problem?
Because a lot of people blame themselves for feeling lost in a conversion, when some of that uncertainty is built into the system.
I get how you could be fooled, but Judaism is not a checklist religion.
It’s relational, communal, a people, and lived over time, not just answering a simple theological question like conversion in many other religions.
So conversion is intentionally flexible instead of being cookie cutter.
Some vagueness makes room for growth and for different communities’ traditions and practices.
But vagueness becomes a problem when it replaces expectations, feedback, or basic clarity.
Healthy vagueness still has a structure underneath it.
Unhealthy vagueness leaves you guessing, anxious, and afraid to ask questions.
If you’re constantly wondering whether you’re “behind,” doing it wrong, or missing invisible rules… that’s usually not a personal failure.
Sometimes it’s imposter syndrome.
But sometimes it’s a lack of clarity or context.
The work is learning to tell the difference.
Because until you know the cause, you can’t find a solution.
And that’s why my membership Bayit Builders exists.
It helps conversion candidates make sense of the ambiguity without outsourcing their judgment to another person.
If you want tools for discernment and clarity, you can find out more at Building a Jewish Life.com/membership.
