If you’re building a Jewish life from scratch, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing something essential – a mentor, a guide, someone to take you under their wing and show you how this all works.
Many people quietly wait for that person to appear. The experienced community member who notices them, reaches out, and says, “Let me help you.”
But that’s rarely how mentorship actually begins.
In Jewish life, guidance tends to grow out of proximity. Out of showing up consistently. Out of small conversations that deepen over time. Most mentorships aren’t formal arrangements with a title attached. They look more like relationships that slowly develop through shared space, trust, and mutual respect.
If you’ve been wondering how to find a mentor without feeling awkward or imposing, here’s what it really looks like in practice.
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Transcript below.
Transcript:
If you’re building a Jewish life from scratch, you’re probably waiting for a mentor to just magically appear. That’s not how it usually works.
Mentorship usually grows out of proximity and consistency.
And only sometimes directly asking someone to take you on.
Because here’s the secret, most mentorships aren’t formal. They’re really closer to friendships.
And that’s good because then you can spread your questions out among a group of people rather than having one person solely responsible for your Jewish life.
So here’s how it actually works.
First, look for someone one step ahead of you, not ten.
The best mentors aren’t unreachable experts.
They remember what your stage of life was like.
Show up before you ask.
Attend the class.
Attend services.
Join the event.
Engage thoughtfully.
Mentorship often starts as repeated, low-pressure contact. You become a friendly face in the crowd.
Ask for something small and specific.
Not “will you mentor me?”
Try instead, “can I ask you a question?”
Or “would you be open to a short conversation about some things?”
That’s easier to say yes to. And it builds trust. When that experience goes well, they’re more likely to say yes to future questions.
Let it grow organically.
Real mentorship is a relationship, not a title. If it’s meant to deepen, it will. Don’t force it.
And it’s just as important to know that you don’t have to be friends with someone for them to be your mentor. You can learn a lot from people even if your personalities don’t really mesh well.
Mentorship usually starts small and deepens slowly.
You find them by showing up.
It’s built through trust and time.
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