If Passover/Pesach feels overwhelming, you’re probably not doing it wrong.
You’re just making one of a few very common mistakes.
Most people new to Passover run into the same patterns, and those mistakes make the holiday feel much harder than it actually needs to be.
The good news is that once you recognize those 4 patterns, the holiday gets a lot simpler.
If these mistakes feel familiar, it’s probably because you’ve been trying to piece Passover together without a system.
My new guide Passover Without Panic gives you that system – what to do, what matters, and what can wait.
Transcript below.
Transcript:
If Passover feels overwhelming, you’re probably making one of these predictable mistakes.
So if you’re newer to Passover, watch this before you do anything.
After years of helping people through this, I see the same root problems happen again and again.
There are four main ways that people make Passover harder than it needs to be.
Fix these and the whole holiday gets simpler.
Hi, I’m Kochava. I’m a Jewish convert and I’ve been helping people convert to Judaism since 2010 through my blog, Building a Jewish Life.com.
Most of these mistakes come from trying to piece Passover together like a really ugly quilt.
Pulling from books, websites, Facebook groups, Reddit threads.
I made the guide that I wish I had had my first year so that you don’t have to do that.
It’s called Passover Without Panic.
And if you want Passover to feel manageable instead of chaotic, you can grab it at Building a Jewish Life.com or the link down below.
And I’ll tell you now that the Hebrew word for Passover is Pesach, and I’m gonna be using that word through the rest of this video.
Mistake number one: not knowing what actually matters and therefore overdoing it.
So if everything feels important for Pesach, nothing is.
And worse, it all feels urgent because you can’t prioritize between them.
You don’t know what the actual Mitzvot are.
Which if you wanna know that, I’ll link above and down below to my video about Passover rituals and Mitzvot.
Misunderstanding what Chametz actually is. Again, check out that video.
Confusing Chametz with Spring Cleaning.
You don’t need a full house deep clean.
And if you don’t eat in your car, you don’t need to clean your car.
And you end up believing whatever you read in a book or online.
And something you should know about those sources is usually what you’re gonna see published, either online from a reliable source or in a book, it is gonna be the strictest opinion usually.
Because people want an answer that’s gonna be acceptable to the largest number of people.
So what you read may not actually be appropriate for your situation and your community.
And stemming from that, mistake number two is trying to do Pesach “correctly” instead of realistically.
You are not behind. Wherever you are is the right place to be.
All the Pesach content you see on social media is people’s final product. Things they have been working on for years or even decades. It’s probably not where you’re at.
Don’t judge your beginning to someone else’s middle or end.
So that often looks like trying to do everything your first year, which kind of goes into those mistakes we just talked about above.
Or second, overcomplicating the Seder.
Which then might turn it into something you hate and be another brick in “maybe this isn’t right for me,” when really you just needed to start at a different place. You overreached.
You can also have this all-or-nothing thinking with thinking that you need a big group or a synagogue or a big community or a perfect setup to celebrate.
You don’t need any of those things. Yes, they are nice, but none of them are actually required for Passover. Again, I’ll refer you down to that video below.
You can do Pesach alone without a community. Is it what we wanna do? No. But if it’s what we have to do, we can make it work.
Don’t let all-or-nothing thinking spoil that.
Three: logistics chaos.
You can’t just “figure it out as you go” with Pesach. I mean, you can, but you’re probably gonna be pretty unhappy with the results.
Chaos comes from a lack of structure, not from a lack of effort. You may be putting in a lot of effort, but if it’s kind of helter skelter, a lot of your efforts can be wasted.
Pesach at its core requires a system. It gets easier when you treat it like a process.
So don’t wait until the last minute. Yes, plan your food ahead.
Don’t buy random “kosher for Passover” foods in the store, if they’re things that you wouldn’t normally eat or it’s just what’s left.
And one where I can see people getting hurt is trying to Kasher your kitchen, make it kosher for Passover, without help and guidance. It’s complicated. It involves boiling water and flames.
It’s not something you wanna play by ear.
And a small one that just falls between the cracks is forgetting to sell your Chametz, if that’s what you’re planning to do with your Chametz this year. It’s very easy to forget to fill out that one little form.
Whether that’s with your local synagogue or if you’re doing it with the free online service from Chabad.org, C-H-A-B-A D.org.
And there is no “too early” for arranging to sell your Chametz. If the form is up, you can fill it out. You don’t have to wait until the day or two before the holiday starts.
So here you might see why I made a short reel about how Pesach checklists are actually therapy, because I think they are the key to your sanity. But what’s better is they go from year to year. Make sure you’re creating your first checklist and putting it in a place that you’ll be able to access next year so that you’re not reinventing the wheel.
You can find a lot of random checklists for Passover Online. If you’re like me, I would recommend taking five or six of them and synthesizing them into one list for yourself. Depending on your circumstances and what’s relevant for you. And going back to the overdoing it mistake, make sure that it’s the things that are right for you this year.
Maybe some of those things are better for you to tackle next year. You can even put a section at the bottom of your checklist that says “Stuff for in the future.”
So you don’t lose it and have to go looking for it again next year.
If you’ve made any of these Pesach mistakes before, you don’t need more information, you need structure.
And that’s what Passover Without Panic is.
It walks you through the holiday step by step with all the options laid out, so you’re not trying to figure out everything at once.
So again, the link is below.
And lastly, group of mistakes number four: mindset traps.
We’ve already talked a little bit about all-or-nothing thinking. The idea that ” I can do all of it, or it’s worthless and I shouldn’t even bother doing anything.”
Your efforts count, even if they’re incomplete. Every step counts.
Jewish growth is measured by your trajectory: what direction are you moving in? It doesn’t matter how fast or slow you’re getting there, as long as it’s sustainable for you and keeps you from burning out.
Two: comparing yourself to others. We addressed that a little bit up at the beginning. Looking at their middle or end when you’re at the beginning.
Use those Instagram pictures and reels as inspiration, not as something you need to judge yourself against.
The third one is a really sneaky one that’s very subconscious. Sometimes we can build up in our head this idea that if we’re struggling, we must be doing it right.
If we suffer, we are doing good.
Pesach doesn’t require you to struggle or suffer. Yes, it’s the hardest holiday, hands down.
But it shouldn’t make you hate it.
You are struggling because we lack resources and support.
And the situation is better than when I was going through the conversion process 15 years ago, but it’s still not good.
Reach out for support, even if that means posting questions on Facebook or Reddit.
You don’t have to do this alone.
And God willing, if you are feeling alone, you won’t feel that way next year. A lot can change in a year.
Now the fourth mindset trap is for my disabled friends. If you, like me, are dealing with chronic illness or disability or neurodivergence, this is a hard time for you. Especially if you have executive functioning difficulties or physical limitations.
This is a physically hard holiday- cleaning, schlepping things around.
Try not to overdo it. Pace yourself.
That’s why if you do make a master checklist for yourself, one of the things that I find really helpful is noting which things can be done in advance. What can be done two weeks in advance?
What can be done a week in advance? What can be done three days in advance?
And don’t be ashamed to call in help. And yes, some of the people who help you might be very confused by what you’re doing. That’s okay. It’s really hard to talk to people about your needs in normal times and with normal situations. This one is straight up weird to someone who has no idea what Passover actually involves.
But you might be surprised. A lot of people are actually really interested to find out these differences.
And yeah, maybe you need to call in a favor or two. That’s okay too.
Now, the last mindset trap is expecting instant meaning.
You might not find this Passover particularly fun or meaningful. That’s life. Not everything is a spiritual high. Life is made up of Tuesdays.
Holidays like Pesach make it easier to have meaningful moments, but they’re not guaranteed. You haven’t failed if you haven’t had some revelation or some deep transformation. Sometimes Pesach is just Pesach.
And that’s okay. That is in fact normal.
Especially if you are in a time in your life that is very hard or you’re really struggling with being alone in your Jewish life. You don’t have to set that grief or frustration aside in order to pretend to be happy that it’s Passover.
God doesn’t ask you to ignore your feelings.
You can feel your feelings and still celebrate Pesach meaningfully. But what that meaning looks like will change year to year, and that’s okay.
You’re doing a good job.
Most people don’t get a religious high every holiday.
The people who do, God bless them, I I wish them well. They are very lucky.
So if you recognize yourself in any of these mistakes, why don’t you drop it down below in the comments?
And if you’re ready for Passover Without Panic, you can find the link down below.
A lot of these mistakes come from not having a clear model of what Passover actually looks like in real life.
So I made a video showing simple rituals you can do at home, even if you don’t have a community. Go watch that next.
