If your holiday didn’t go the way you hoped, you’re not alone – and you didn’t do it wrong.
There’s a quiet moment after many holidays where the energy drops and the self-criticism kicks in. What you forgot, what didn’t happen, what didn’t feel meaningful enough. It can spiral quickly.
But Jewish life isn’t built on perfect execution. It’s built on showing up, again and again, with what you have. Let’s talk about what it means to make peace with an imperfect holiday – and why it still counts.
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Transcript below.
Transcript:
Maybe you burned the food. Maybe you snapped at someone and then cried in the bathroom.
Maybe you forgot a ritual or skipped the holiday altogether.
And now it’s the day after, and your brain is spiraling with shame and “shoulds.”
Welcome to the Jewish holidays. You’re doing just fine.
Hi, I’m Kochava. I’m a Jewish convert, and I’ve been helping people convert to Judaism since 2010 through my blog, Building a Jewish Life.com.
So let’s talk about what it means to make peace with an imperfect holiday.
And why it still counts. You still count.
The post-holiday Shame Spiral is very real and very untalked about.
It’s time to make peace with imperfect holidays because pretty much all of your holidays will be imperfect, if not all of them. I know I have certainly never had a perfect holiday yet.
You’ve tried so hard, but it doesn’t feel like enough.
The rumination hits hard, especially for the kind of people I work with: converts, neurodivergent people, disabled people, and chronically ill people.
Y’all ruminate.
Just because it didn’t work out, doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.
Jewish tradition is built upon the understanding that execution will rarely be perfect.
Your intentions and your efforts count. In fact, that’s most of what counts.
Even bringing your awareness to this day is a sacred act.
The spiritual work of a holiday isn’t performance. It’s presence.
So let’s look for the sparks of holiness that you made.
Maybe a small ritual you did keep.
A lesson you learned for next time.
One moment of beauty, stillness, laughter, or meaning.
One relationship strengthened.
One day where you showed up.
We all have bad holidays and bad years. In general, the idea is we wanna see a trajectory of moving forward in your Jewish life, however that looks for you.
But it is also natural to take one step forward and two steps back.
It’s also common to burn out.
It’s common to struggle.
One of my favorite facts is that the word “Israel” means “struggles with G-d.” That is what we are named after.
I don’t believe in suffering as a way of proving worth and value, But I think it shows that struggle is normal and you can find meaning in it.
Even if that meaning only comes after, when you’re full of regret that you didn’t do anything at all.
Maybe you didn’t even choose to skip this.
Maybe you do have a chronic illness or other disability and you had a flare up and you just physically couldn’t do things. G-d gave you the body you have. God knows what you’re dealing with.
You don’t need to keep up with the Steins.
The Steins have got their own struggles, let me assure you.
So the skill that I want you to hone is reframing the narrative. Finding the holy sparks, the silver linings in the struggles you face with imperfect holidays.
Maybe you burned the food, but you still fed your people. Maybe you were alone, but you found meaning and connection in a certain prayer.
Maybe you skipped a ritual. You honored your energy, and where you are right now. That doesn’t mean you have to stay there forever. Next year can be different, and what’s done is done.
I want you to remember that a spiritual crash of sorts can be fairly normal.
Lots of people feel depleted or low after a high spiritual energy time, like a holiday.
Especially my fellow introverts out there.
You are not broken, you’re human.
Rest and downtime is part of the cycle, not an abandonment of it.
So if your holiday wasn’t Pinterest worthy, I can assure you that it wasn’t for the influencers either. They’re just really good at making it look that way.
You are not alone. In fact, you’re downright normal.
And if you’re still beating yourself up about this, I want you to hear this: it still mattered. You still matter.
The heart of Jewish life is showing up. With what you have, where you are. We do the best we can with the resources we have at the time.
That’s always enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
If this helped you breathe a little bit easier, leave a comment below with a one thing that did work out this holiday.
Let’s celebrate quiet wins!
And if you want support planning a gentler holiday next time, I’ve got freebies and resources for you at Building a Jewish Life.com.
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