If you’re college-aged (approximately 18-22), your conversion process may look very different than the ideal, “normal” process.
What if you’re considering converting to Judaism in your teens or early 20s? You face special problems during conversion. Sorry. But on the bright side, if you convert now, there are common problems for conversion candidates that you will hopefully never deal with! In other words, all conversions have “problems” and frustrations. Unfortunately, at this stage of life, you have less people to commiserate with and learn from since so few people are taking the journey at the same stage of life. And there may not be anyone your age at all in the community, depending on where you live. Unfortunately, you need to know orthodox people your own age so you can learn how they handle common situations. For example, I went to college in a beach town. I never understood how to dress tznius full-time because I didn’t know anyone my age who did. Somehow, I felt like I couldn’t learn that from the women 15-30 years older than me (who were few and far between as it was).
What problems might you face?
- Rabbis might not take you seriously because of your age. Of course, that applies across the board to any decision you make. At this age, most people won’t take you seriously about any major life decision. I don’t think anyone took me seriously until at least 24. Rabbis may be particularly hesitant if you have a bad home life. They may think you are trying to escape an abusive or otherwise negative family setting. But don’t fret yet. Many, perhaps most, conversion candidates (myself included) come from difficult family situations. Perhaps that is what makes us comfortable with making major life changes!
- Rabbis may not believe you will maintain major life changes. For example, I know many people who became vegetarians for a few months or changed college majors 5 times. My own conversion process began when I was 19, and I was on the fence for years because I knew this was permanent; what if I changed my mind? Many people, myself included, flirt with it for a long time but fail to follow through, such as moving to a larger Jewish community with the resources you need. Most candidates have to move during the process, sometimes very far. When you’re just starting your adult life, rabbis may doubt your willingness to live far from your family, even a bad one. Don’t take it personally; every rabbi has been burned by someone considering becoming orthodox (whether a conversion candidate or baal teshuva.) There’s nothing wrong with those people not being ready to take the next step. In fact, knowing they weren’t ready and accepting that was the right decision.
- You have limited financial resources for books, tutoring, or establishing a kosher home.
- You may lack the financial resources and job training to move to a large urban area. Most Jewish communities that are good for a young single person are expensive and urban/suburban.
- Most batei din will expect you to move out of your parents’ home and may even require full financial independence from your family. (And in some cases, they’ll just tell you they expect full financial independence, even though they might accept significantly less.) Moving out of your parents’ home is generally a non-negotiable prerequisite. Some (most?) rabbis may not accept a financial aid package as being financially independent because what happens when you graduate or if you lose your scholarship?
- Rabbis may be more hesitant than normal about a young conversion candidate dating a Jew because secular dating rarely leads to marriage at those ages. You also have the fact that your partner will be expected to become orthodox as well, so now all these problems are multiplied by two people. No matter how insistent you are on staying with your partner, a beit din probably will not take your relationship seriously. They believe that your interest in Judaism will stop once the relationship ends.
And now that you’re frustrated, let me remind you of what you will hopefully avoid if you pursue your conversion now:
- The “shidduch crisis.” You should be available to date and marry at the “normal” ages instead of starting “late.” Converting young may not save you entirely from the shidduch crisis, but it gives you a head start.
- You are less likely to fall victim to unscrupulous people who charge exorbitant fees for tutoring and conversion. You simply can’t afford them and they know that. You may also qualify for free or reduced conversion fees. But do be careful of people who may exploit your naïveté or make romantic/sexual advances.
- You will build Jewish memories very early in your adult life. I can attest to the comfort I have from knowing that basically my entire adult life has been lived Jewishly, even if I wasn’t yet Jewish.
- You may still qualify for “life experiences” limited to young Jews. This includes the ability to attend yeshiva/seminary in Israel, working as a camp counselor during the summers, joining the Israeli Defense Force (uncommon for non-citizens but age-limited), attending a college with a large frum population and Jewish resources, or marrying young and having your first child in your early 20s. Not to mention Birthright.
Conversion as a young adult is difficult but certainly not impossible. On the other hand, many (most?) people who begin considering conversion at that age take several years to “seal the deal.” I would be one of those people, starting my own process at 19 but not having any conversion until 25 (conservative). I feel that was the right decision in my case, but everyone is different. This is not something you want to rush, but if you are ready, go for it. You will need even more perseverance and patience than conversion normally requires, but it can be done.
Please feel free to add your own advice and experience to the comments.