But as hard as the conversion process can be for the conversion candidates, it’s important to remember that the process can also be difficult for the rabbis involved, especially your “local” or “sponsoring” rabbi. He may have no idea what he’s doing or how to guide you. That’s the case with most rabbis, and that’s just because they’re not experts. They’re not doing a bad job, most of the time. Sometimes, they’re as lost and confused by the process as we are.
Similarly, rabbis hate conversion politics issues just as much as the converts do. As I’ve mentioned several times before, all the rabbis involved in your case are putting their name on you. Throughout the process, each rabbi’s participation is vouching for you as a good Jew/potential Jew. If you really mess up (especially if you self-destruct and decide to take the whole ship down with you), you can actually harm his career and livelihood. On a lesser scale, when other rabbis meet his “finished” converts, they may judge him unfavorably if you act poorly or show a serious lack of knowledge. As with converts, we all rely on each other to give us a good name.
In short, the rabbis worry about whether you will be a “good” convert or not. They worry about it for the sake of halacha, for the sake of the Jewish people, for the sake of other converts, for the sake of their reputation, and also for your sake. They generally want to help you make the right decision, but your desires are not the only factors they have to consider. They even have to consider that your desires are not what you say they are or maybe that you don’t fully understand your desires.
:Rabbi Marc Angel, a prominent Orthodox rabbi in New York (and a man who himself favors a somewhat more open approach to would-be converts), writes of a lecture on “practical rabbinics” given by a leading Talmud scholar at RIETS, the Orthodox seminary at Yeshiva University, in which the scholar instructed the soon-to-be-ordained rabbis not to perform a conversion unless they were willing to bet $100,000 of their own money that the convert would observe all Jewish laws. One student asked, “Since no one can guarantee absolutely the future of any convert, doesn’t this mean that Orthodox rabbis should avoid performing conversions?” After hemming and hawing, the rabbi suggested that Orthodox rabbis should never, or only rarely, perform conversions.
Note for Jewish geography’s sake (and for the sake of conversion politics): Rabbi Angel is a former President of the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) and author of Choosing to Be Jewish: The Orthodox Road to Conversion
Why discuss this? If you want to be realistic about your conversion, you need to think about your case from the point of view of the rabbis. After all, they are the gatekeepers to Jewish-ness. What about your case should worry them? How can you allay or address those fears? Also, and perhaps more importantly, sometimes it’s easy to forget that the rabbis are human. They make mistakes, they phrase things poorly and it hurts our feelings, or they get caught up in the politics. Do your best to judge them favorably and realize that whatever bad things happen are most likely not personal attacks against you or your candidacy. Life happens.
The Curmudgeonly Israeli Giyoret says:
This is always in the back of my mind. Rather, perhaps even more than *having faith* in G-d, it's fairly simple and concrete for me to *keep faith* with my conversion rabbis and those who have bet on and contributed to my Jewishness.
Something intuitively compatible with my Celtic genetic predisposition and upbringing towards absolute and fanatic loyalty. (Would Jewish Braveheart be required to have tzitzit on his 4-cornered kilt?)
And like Rhett Butler, as a Southerner, I have a weakness for a hopeless cause.
Blue Star:
by the way, conversion rabbis may not like to read in your post they don't know what they're doing…..because they think they "always" know and they know "best" when they say "i don't know", it's as if saying one thing I know best which I don't know, this is them being witty at you. Socrates said "I know one thing, that I know nothing" so be careful of the wording they use with "I don't know" because that's their tactic. it has to do with the psychological techniques they employ in the conversion process.
Lurking Noahide says:
If even I had to bet $100,000 on my level of adherence to halachas based on what I currently believe to be true, I wouldn't take the bet.
There is so much material and opposing opinions that are not available before you start conversion, whether due to cost language barrier or ignorance of resources or time, that it would be difficult for me to believe that my understanding of the history of the halachas and the texts relating to them and their practice in prior times would never influence my method or extent of practice based on new information.
Coming from protestant Xtianism where they claim to have reasons for everything at times I'm afraid that Judaism will end up being the same as Catholics where if the Rabbi can't explain why to you in enough degree for you to believe he will pull rank and say it is because I say so as your Rabbi(judge). At least as a protestant people could agree to disagree based on different interpretations and sources.
After being lied to my entire life it leads me to question the value of certain sources outside of Tanakh and what makes a valid Halacha. If one sect has one ruling and another sect has a different ruling should either of them be seen as law? Should both of them be seen as law? Should nothing after the destruction of the second temple (mishna exclude) be seen as law? Should Ashkanazi rulings made today be seen today as applying to all jews if no other ethnic groups are present and debating the issue? Should a Yemmenite ruling therefore equally apply to all jews. Should custom play a role in creating law if it means that a law can never be removed because only GODLESS people would violate the currently law so it becomes the custom to follow the law?
I fear as a convert rather than a returning secular Jew even if I found a smoking gun that I would never be accepted. Any of my arguments would be rejected because I'm a convert not based on logic or evidence. Possibly based on this is what my grandparents believed my parents taught it to me so it is true.
What chance does anyone have if it's based on the standard of a $100,000 bet of conformity of the current version of orthodoxy rather than faithfulness to Hashem? What Rabbi would take a risk on someone like me, who could be either a tremendous asset or a tremendous liability to his political future?
Kochava, I really don't understand. Many times in your blog you have said that the rabbi is vouching for you. Above, you said:
"If you really mess up (especially if you self-destruct and decide to take the whole ship down with you), you can actually harm his career and livelihood. On a lesser scale, when other rabbis meet his "finished" converts, they may judge him unfavorably if you act poorly or show a serious lack of knowledge. As with converts, we all rely on each other to give us a good name.
In short, the rabbis worry about whether you will be a "good" convert or not. They worry about it for the sake of halacha, for the sake of the Jewish people, for the sake of other converts, for the sake of their reputation, and also for your sake"
I am not convinced. I don't understand. If someone converts to judaism and changes their mind, they are allowed to. They are allowed to pray, not pray, keep shabbat, or not. Believe in a G-d, or not. They can go to a church and talk to the virgin mary at night. They can do anything they want in their life, and it doesn't matter what they promised some panel of 3 rabbis. What matters is that we each have free will.
So, if one of the 3 witnesses or the sponsoring rabbi, or anyone involved, is told about the convert who eats bacon at MCD, it seems to me that the conclusion is that it is the convert who is a bad Jew. If this rabbi has a stellar reputation in terms of what they do in the community OTHER than conversions, than it's pretty clear they didn't do anything wrong, and the convert's behavior should logically not affect the otherwise good reputation. Really not.
You also write about someone who would potentially "really mess up (especially if you self-destruct and decide to take the whole ship down with you)"
Can you expand on that? What ship? Can you give a concrete example of a Jew who 'self-destructed' and "took a ship down"?
As you can tell, right now my tendency is to believe that the reasons these rabbis are so strict lies elsewhere…
You bring up a great point. One convert alone will not sink a rabbi, but that doesn't mean that a rabbi doesn't worry that one could. Rabbis are human and have the same insecurity and fears others do. That doesn't mean their fears are rational or even founded in reality. I agree that many (if not most) rabbis have other reasons for being so strict, but I think this is a large consideration whether they realize it or not.
Converts can absolutely (and do) go off the derech for any number of reasons. I think the rabbis are less concerned about that and more concerned about converting someone who never got on the derech to begin with. Is this person lying? Is this person doing things only halfway? Are things being hidden?
As for an example, I don't have a specific example, though I have met a couple of people who spoke badly of rabbis in their community for that reason. And there are a few rabbis who are harmed because others actively steer conversion candidates away from them for that reason. However, I think this problem is largely about perception, not reality. Anyway, even if I had a specific example, it would be pretty jerkish for me to share it. I'm working to improve what and how I speak of others.