Most people don’t struggle with Jewish conversion because it’s inherently impossible.
They struggle because they’re following advice that quietly wastes their time, money, and energy.
In this post, we’re breaking down more of the most common conversion myths – especially the ones around money, authority, legitimacy, and self-doubt.
If you need help navigating the real-life conversations that come up during conversion – with family, partners, or friends – I’m running a small group workshop focused on what to say and how to handle those moments in a way that actually works. You can learn more here.
And if you’re looking for ongoing support as you build a Jewish life step by step, Bayit Builders is my membership where we work through the process together in a sustainable, real-life way. You can check it out here. Doors are opening to new members May 5-14, 2026.
Transcript below.
Transcript:
Most people don’t struggle with Jewish conversion because it’s inherently impossible. They struggle because they’re following advice that wastes their time, money, and energy.
I broke down the first three categories of myths in my last video, which I’ll link up here and down below. But today we’re gonna cover three more categories of myths that slow people down or burn them out so that you don’t make the same mistakes.
Hi, I’m Kochava. I’m a Jewish convert and I’ve been helping people convert to Judaism since 2010 through my blog, Building a Jewish Life.com.
If you’re navigating all this and you want more support, you don’t have to do it alone. In May, I’m hosting a small group workshop focusing on the conversations with our family and friends. And then there’s also Bayit Builders, my membership, where we’re building a Jewish life together. You can learn about both down below.
So myth category number four: the money myths. You do not need to pay for a program to convert. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.
Your individual community may require some sort of education you need to pay for. But lots of people get through without paying for any formal education or program.
It’s very common for people to be required to go through an Intro to Judaism class, and that can run like five to $800. But what’s also true is there are always the availability of scholarships, sliding scales, things like that. If you need financial help, don’t be shy to ask.
However, it’s a double-edged sword. Because living a Jewish life is expensive. I’ll link up here and down below to my video series about how expensive converting to Judaism can be.
And while there may be fees or costs or suggested donations, they’re usually specific to the rabbis you are dealing with. And in most cases they’re relatively small and perfunctory, more of a symbol than anything.
There are these programs popping up to help you get through the conversion process. You do not need any of them. If you want one, that’s fine. They’re not cheap, but try to do your due diligence to make sure that they’re legit or legit enough. Because so far I haven’t really seen it. I’ll link up here and down below to my video about whether you can convert online. ‘ Cause there are people promising that they will convert you online. And I’m gonna go ahead and tell you that that’s not possible. No group in Judaism would accept a purely online conversion. There’s a lot more detail in the video and how you can kind of work with that.
So before you sink a few thousand dollars on some rabbi you met on the internet, check with your local rabbi or the local rabbi of where you would like to eventually live. Or literally asking the Jews of Reddit. Vet these people because there are fraudsters out there.
The second big money myth. It kind of goes to that all-or-nothing thinking that we were talking about in the last video: the idea that you need to buy everything upfront. Books, Judaica, things like a Tallis, or Tefillin.
You are approaching it with this “spend first, figure it out later,” kind of attitude. ” Spend it all and let God figure it out,” I suppose.
Believe me, I’m the president of this club. I have spent thousands of dollars on Jewish books, many of them still unread 15 years later. That is unfortunately normal. Buy things as you really need them, or if they really make you happy or they feel very meaningful to you.
As I said in the “conversion is expensive” videos, it’s expensive. This is a lot of stuff, and we’re getting more consumer culturey all the time. There is new Judaica coming out all the time. New books everywhere. Try not to get caught in the trap.
Try to use your money wisely. Which oftentimes is gonna be better spent paying for community events, trips to Jewish communities, or classes you can take. Or even better, hiring a mentor or tutor.
It’s fun to feel like a dragon who’s collected a hoard of gold, but it’s not actually gonna serve you that well in practice.
Now the fifth category of myths are the authority and legitimacy myths. They come down to the idea that someone else determines your worth. You outsource your thinking to another person. And yes, this is how cults are built. Please don’t get involved in a cult.
Any rabbi who encourages you to outsource your critical thinking skills to them is a wannabe cult leader. And yes, we do have those. Not a lot comparatively. But remember that rabbis are people too. There are people in this world who just want to take advantage of you or have power over you.
So if your rabbi says that they are the only source of information you ever need, that is wrong. That is also not a very Jewish answer. We look for answers in lots of places: books, other rabbis, other experts. If your rabbi wants to be your only source of information, red flag. I’ll link up there and down below to probably the most important video I have ever made, which is the “red flags in the conversion process.”
Next myth. If a rabbi tells you “no,” then you’re done. No conversion for you. Not true.
You can ask more than one rabbi. You can take some time and take their feedback and work on whatever it is that they said was concerning to them, and you can come back later and ask again.
Very, very, very rarely is a door shut forever. Yes, it’s frustrating. Yes, it might be unfair. ‘ cause again, this process is full of humans. But if this is really for you, don’t take no for an answer.
Next, the big granddaddy myth of all: the idea that there is a perfect conversion. That an orthodox conversion will be universally accepted by everyone. That’s just not true.
All conversions, every single conversion in the world, can be questioned by anyone. The question is, does that person have power over you right now, where it matters that they question it? And two, can you get around them in that case?
Yes, if you get an Orthodox conversion, you are less likely to run into someone who’s questioning your conversion. But there’s plenty of, “I don’t hold by that rabbi” in the Orthodox world. We are caught in the crossfire of rabbinic politics. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the reality.
You don’t need universal recognition. For one, you’re not gonna get it, but two, get the recognition that matters to you. Everyone else can go to hell, quite frankly.
Conversion is not solely between you and G-d. Yes, the Jewish community gets a vote. But Joe Schmoe, who doesn’t recognize conversions done by X rabbi, he can make your life miserable if he wants to.
And a lot of it’s just kind of bad luck. A lot of people go through their lives with never having anyone question their conversion. The majority probably.
But it happens to someone and that someone could end up being you. So you need to have an idea for how you would handle that if it happens to you. Basically steel yourself to go to battle if you have to.
A similar myth: that the harder a conversion is, the more legitimate it is. That is not true.
A conversion will be hard, but it shouldn’t hurt. There’s a difference between hard and hurting people, and I think so many people get caught up in this idea that the more you suffer, the more legitimate something is, and that’s just not true.
Don’t manufacture suffering for yourself, and also don’t let other people give you suffering and call it Judaism. I’ll refer you again to that video about the red flags in the conversion process.
Now, the sixth category of myths are all the myths that you make up inside your brain and tell yourself. Insecurity and self-doubt myths. I could talk for a really long time on this. This is a really long list.
Kind of, um, the flip side of what we just talked about, struggling does not mean you’re not cut out for this. People struggle and that’s okay. It’s still for you. Let’s just find a way to get through this struggle.
The idea that doubt means you shouldn’t convert. Very few people go through this process with no doubt. Honestly, I am perplexed by the concept of a person going through this without doubt, but people have told me that that is them. I can’t question that. But I don’t physically understand how it’s possible.
Doubting what you’re doing, doubting what you believe, doubting whether you actually believe the things that you think you believe. All of that doubt is just like quicksand that you fall into. And there is nothing you can do to prove it to get yourself out.
It’s okay to have doubts. They don’t mean that this isn’t for you. They do not mean you are a bad person. They do not mean you are a bad Jew.
I feel like I harp on this story so much on this channel. But the word “Israel,” you know the name of the Jewish people, means “wrestles with G-d.” Arguing with G-d is in our DNA. So don’t tell me that there is no place for doubt in the Jewish conversion process.
It’s perfectly normal, perfectly natural, and just about everyone goes through it. You’ll always have doubts about yourself, and it doesn’t really go away. You just get better at answering it, hopefully.
Let’s see, let’s rapid fire a few more myths. Everyone knows what they’re doing except you. You shouldn’t. Uh, I’m gonna save that one for later. Um, you shouldn’t disagree with your rabbi. You need to hide uncertainty or struggle. If you were meant to convert, it would feel easier.
And then a few of them fall into a category of their own I feel like. Saying the “wrong thing” will ruin your chances. You shouldn’t disagree with your rabbi. You shouldn’t ask too many questions.
So there is very little you can say it once and will ruin your conversion. Most of it has to do with Jesus.
Your rabbi should expect you to disagree occasionally because you’re humans, and Judaism as a structure is built around disagreement. Look into the history of the Talmud if you don’t believe me.
In an ideal world, you should be able to discuss anything that’s on your mind with your rabbi, including the doubts and struggles and things that you are not certain about, and the things you don’t like. In reality, that can be a double-edged sword. Maybe a different person is the correct person for those kinds of conversations. But any rabbi who tries to enforce that on you red flag.
And now the last one that I’ll go into is that you shouldn’t ask too many questions. Because I know you, you have a lot of questions. We all do, and that’s okay.
In fact, it’s a good thing. It means you’re curious.
So this is a myth, but it’s kind of not a myth also. You can ask too many questions of one person and overwhelm them or annoy them, so do your best to cultivate multiple places you can ask questions. That includes Reddit, that includes Facebook groups, that includes Twitter, that includes your Jewish friend who lives in California.
Have multiple places that you can ask questions so that one person doesn’t get overwhelmed. In theory, there is no such thing as too many questions, but in practice, we’re dealing with humans again.
These insecurity and self-doubt myths come down to the idea that something is wrong with you, and it’s not. You are a perfectly normal person going through a perfectly normal process that lots of other people have gone through.
Your questions and struggles have options and answers. You just might need to work a little harder to find them.
So if you’ve been trying to figure this out on your own and it’s not really working very well, you don’t have to keep doing that. I have a small group workshop coming up for the hard conversations that come along with this process.
And my membership Bayit Builders is built for ongoing support as you build a Jewish life. Both are linked down below.
So if you’re thinking, “okay, but what if I don’t even have a Jewish community yet?” That’s the next thing to figure out. Watch this next.
