A lot of people worry they missed their chance to become Jewish. They wonder if they’re too old, too established in their life, too overwhelmed, or too far behind to begin conversion now. Yet possibly a majority of Jewish converts are older.
In this video, we’ll talk honestly about converting to Judaism later in life, grieving lost time, learning as an older adult, community, fear, practical realities, and why the real question usually isn’t “Am I too old?” but “What kind of Jewish life can I build from where I am right now?”
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Transcript below.
Transcript:
 Being old doesn’t mean you stop having existential crises.
I get messages all the time from people asking whether they’re too old to convert to Judaism.
Sometimes they’re in their 30s and I laugh.
Most of the time they’re in their 50s or 60s, but I’m actually working with a woman who’s in her 80s right now.
And usually what they’re really asking is, ” Did I miss my chance to build a different kind of life?”
One of the most painful things about discovering Judaism later in life is sometimes grieving the years that you missed without it.
A lot of people assume conversion is only for young people with unlimited energy, no responsibilities, and the ability to completely rearrange their lives. Real life is more complicated than that. And having been one of those young folks with unlimited energy and presumably no responsibilities, it was still extremely hard to rearrange my life.
If you’re older and having these questions, they’re perfectly normal.
Hi, I’m Kochava. I’m a Jewish convert, and I’ve been helping people convert to Judaism since 2010 through my blog, buildingajewishlife.com.
If you’re trying to build a Jewish life from scratch and want more grounded, practical advice, you should join my mailing list. When you join, you get access to a free Resource Library full of guides like the Jewish Conversion Timeline Cheatsheet.
So people who feel “too old” to convert usually have a lot of really good reasons for their hesitation. They have energy limitations. They may have health problems. They may be on a limited or fixed income, especially if they’re in retirement.
They may have more complications with families or partners that don’t understand what they’re doing.
And can even be quite upset about it Many of them tell me that they will have a harder time learning the material because they’re older. I generally don’t find that to be true, but it is certainly a story that people tell about themselves. Old dogs definitely can learn new tricks.
And they’re extremely afraid of being rejected, both by a rabbi and the Jewish community as a whole. And they are extremely afraid of blowing up their lives, which is an extremely fair thing to be concerned about because it is probably true to some degree.
I won’t lie. It is easier to do this when you’re young.
But you would be surprised how many people do this later in life. I would say that the majority of people I work with are retirement age or older. Maybe that’s just a function of who is more likely to seek out help.
The least likely age time I find is that thirties and forties time when people are likely to be raising young children. People are too busy with work and children that they don’t have a lot of time to have existential crises. It gets tabled for when there’s more time and energy.
Which is exactly why people start crawling out of the framework in their fifties.
Most of these fears are rooted in one thing: the fear of starting over. Conversion asks people to become beginners again. That’s vulnerable at any age, but I think it’s more vulnerable the older you get.
You’re just more set in your ways.
But there is no expiration date for building a meaningful Jewish life.
However, it is true that some are afraid that they may not live long enough to finish this process. That I’ve heard more than a few times.
And whether you finish or not really isn’t the point. If you’re meant to be here and working towards it, however far you get is how far you were meant to get, and that’s okay.
The journey is the point, not the destination. Cliché but true.
Some rabbis will prefer working with older candidates. Some will not.
But in my experience, there is no universal hesitancy with working with older people.
If anything, people tend to like working with them more because they have more free time and more free income.
They’re able to invest the time and money that this process generally needs, which I’ll link up there and down in the description below to my series about the costs of conversion and why it can be pretty expensive sometimes.
But older conversion candidates have a lot of other benefits. You understand the world.
You understand how things work. You have emotional maturity.
You usually have better conflict skills than younger people.
And you bring a lot of skills and information to the table. You’re a very valuable community member.
Much more than flighty, inconsistent young folks, speaking as someone who was one of those flighty and inconsistent young folks.
Yes, I did a lot that I regret. In some cases, you will be less likely to waffle, “Should I? Should I not?” But don’t be surprised if you do waffle around. It’s a perfectly normal human thing to do.
A lot of older people are convinced that they will never be able to learn Hebrew. Learning a foreign language is harder as an adult.
But simultaneously, it’s not as hard as you think, and you don’t have to know as much as you’d think. You only need a very basic understanding of Hebrew, usually just Hebrew reading, like literally reading the words off the page, not even knowing what they mean. So it’s not as heavy of a lift as you’re afraid it is.
And you’re more likely to have a partner who is not Jewish and not interested.
That’s an annoying logistical problem. I’ll link up here and down below to my video about exactly that situation.
Fundamentally, the question is not, “Am I too old?”
It’s, “What kind of life can I realistically and meaningfully build from where I’m at right now?” And that’s a question that applies no matter what age you are.
If you’re still here and you’re still thinking about converting, you might wonder how long the Jewish conversion process actually takes and why some people spend 10 or more years navigating it. Watch this video next.
