Circumcision is one of the biggest sources of anxiety for many men considering conversion to Judaism – and also one of the parts of the process people seem least willing to talk about.
So, let’s talk about it. In this video, I walk through what circumcision for Jewish conversion (Brit Milah) actually involves, what happens if you’re already circumcised (Hatafat Dam Brit), timing, recovery, anesthesia, and even what you might expect to pay.
No graphic details – just the practical information you probably wish someone would explain.
Circumcision is exactly the kind of topic where the details of your conversion, community, and situation matter. If this post has given you a growing list of things you want to ask your rabbi, grab my free Rabbi Meeting Prep Sheet when you join my mailing list.
It’ll help you organize your questions ahead of time, remember what you want to discuss, and make the most of your next meeting.
Transcript below.
Transcript:
 Something more than wildfire smoke must be in the air, because I’ve gotten more questions about circumcision in the last two months than I have in the last 15 years, no, 16 years, of helping people who are converting.
Obviously, as you can imagine, this is one of the top fears of male conversion candidates. Rightfully so.
But people don’t really talk about it, and fear breeds in the dark. So let’s get into the nitty-gritty details.
Don’t worry, this video discusses circumcision in a medical and religious context. There won’t be any graphic images or descriptions.
And because I’m a lawyer, this is not medical advice.
Your rabbi and mohel, who may or may not be a physician, are the people that you should ask your questions for your specific situation. My goal is simply to explain how this generally works.
And you’ll wanna stay to the end, because we even talk about prices.
Hi, I’m Kochava. I’m a Jewish convert, and I’ve been helping people convert to Judaism since 2010 through my blog, buildingajewishlife.com.
And if this video brings up any questions that you wanna discuss with your rabbi, I have a free Rabbi Meeting Prep Sheet. It helps you organize your thoughts and prepare your questions in advance so you can make the most of the conversation. You can get it free when you join my mailing list at the link down in the description below.
So the first big question has to do with terminology. Circumcision generally has two names for English-speaking Jews: a Brit Milah, which is the Hebrew term, and a Bris, which is the Ashkenazi Yiddish pronunciation of the word Brit in Brit Milah.
Brit actually means covenant. The Milah is actually the circumcision part. You might have heard movies and TVs talking about going to a Bris for a newborn Jewish baby. It’s a very common word in American English.
But there’s actually a third word for circumcision, but we’ll get into it down below.
So is circumcision required? Yes, most conversions will require it.
Orthodox conversions, definitely.
In a Conservative conversion, yes.
In a Reform conversion- Mostly, but sometimes not. The thing about Reform conversions is that they’re specific to the rabbi involved. Each rabbi can m- basically make their own rules for their procedure. The Reform movement gives them suggestions, but there is no standard that they have to follow.
So why? Like, can we be honest that this is a weird ritual?
Like, not everything in Judaism makes logical sense to us. We trust that there is a reason, but it’s okay to still be like, “You know what? That’s kind of weird.” Doesn’t make you any less Jewish. In fact, questioning things might make you more Jewish.
So what’s the source for this? It comes from Genesis Bereshit 17, and I’ll read directly from it. Genesis 17:10-11, “This is my covenant, which you shall keep between me and you and your offspring after you. Every male among you shall be circumcised. You shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin, and it shall be the sign of the covenant between Me and you.”
And then a little bit later in Genesis, uh, 17:12, G-d says, “Throughout your generations, every male among you who is eight days old shall be circumcised.”
So that’s the source of doing this at eight days old, unless medical reasons intervene, but that is a completely different conversation about Pikuach Nefesh. And I’ll link up above and down below if you want to find out what on earth Pikuach Nefesh is.
And then right after that, we have Genesis 17:13, “My covenant shall be in your flesh as an everlasting covenant.”
And there is even explicit textual support for requiring converts to get a circumcision. We see this in Exodus Shemot verse 12:48, “If a stranger who resides with you would offer the Passover sacrifice to the Lord, all his males shall be circumcised. Then he may draw near to offer it, and he shall be as a native of the land.”
So Brit Milah, circumcision, is a commandment. It’s a covenant, an agreement between the Jewish people and G-d, and it’s supposed to have an element of identity to it.
It’s not about hazing or proving yourself. Um, like in many cultures, circumci- I knew I was gonna trip over circumcision at least once in this video. That’s a hard word to say five times fast.
So in many other cultures, circumcision is used as a rite of passage, usually in the teenage years, and it’s meant to prove your bravery and your strength. That’s not the Jewish way of doing it.
But that brings us over to the emotional side of circumcision. It is a difficult choice for many men.
There is a reason why this is a rite of passage to prove your strength and courage, because you need strength and courage to do something like this.
Men often feel nervous, scared, embarrassed, and vulnerable, and they also may not feel like they can talk to anyone about those feelings. That’s normal, and it’s unfortunate if you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk about those feelings with, because they are completely normal.
Why wouldn’t you be scared and nervous and embarrassed and vulnerable? If anything, if you weren’t, I would be worried.
So none of this is about you being weak. You are about to undergo something that is deeply vulnerable and frightening.
No one goes into any surgery without being at least a little frightened.
It’s such a vulnerable experience, and especially on such a vulnerable part of your body.
But it can also be deeply meaningful. Many men have told me how meaningful it was for them.
Remember, thousands and thousands and thousands of male converts have gone through this procedure before you. But it can be kind of easy to guilt yourself with, “Oh, well, little babies go through it, so it must be fine.”
Like, it’s different when it’s a baby. They have a much easier time having a circumcision.
It is more serious when it’s a grown-up.
If this is something that you’re worried about, this is absolutely a good topic to discuss with your rabbi, with the mohel, or your doctor, especially if you happen to have a urologist already.
So who performs a circumcision? There’s a specialized position in the Jewish world called a mohel. That is the Yiddish pronunciation of it and what most people have heard of in TVs and movies. They are someone who specializes in doing Jewish circumcisions. And in most cases, at least in the United States, um, also largely in Europe, to my knowledge, ’cause I do actually have a little bit of knowledge about that, most mohels are also doctors. Quite often, they are urologists. So you’re in good hands with a mohel.
And if your mohel is not a doctor, that doesn’t mean that you should be scared of their ability to do it. They undergo really rigorous training programs.
No one’s just slapping up their shingle and saying, “I’m a mohel now.” Um, they understand the importance and the fear that is around these procedures, and they do everything possible to try to earn your trust.
It’s possible that your community doesn’t have a mohel and may have to bring someone in or you travel to them. That’s pretty standard.
And what you’ll get afterwards usually is a certificate or some other written proof that you had a circumcision done in accordance with Jewish law.
Do not lose this paperwork. Make a digital copy and put the original somewhere safe, the same place you would store your legal documents like passports or Social Security cards.
So what if you’re already circumcised? That is generally what I have experienced in my own work. I work primarily with Americans just ’cause there’s so many damn Americans in this world, and I actually haven’t yet helped anyone through the process who wasn’t circumcised, but I’m getting a lot of inquiries from them now.
I guess getting on YouTube expanded my reach quite a bit.
So if you’re American, most American men, until the most recent generation, have been circumcised as a baby in a hospital when they were born. It was standard medical procedure until relatively recently.
If you’re not aware, there’s been a big backlash to circumcision for babies in the last, like, 10 to 20 years.
So in those cases, there’s actually two steps. The first one is you have to determine whether your circumcision is complete or not. Judaism requires a certain amount to be removed. Nearly all medical circumcisions accomplish that.
But very rarely, there may be an incomplete circumcision that has a little bit extra that needs to be removed.
I really think that’s the worst position to be in and why it’s so important for me to bring this up here, because I cannot imagine the guy who has done all the research and is like, “Good, I’m already circumcised, we’re all good,” and then he gets checked and is like, “Oh no, you actually have to have surgery.”
Like, those are the people that I, I just wanna warn you that this is a possibility that’s out there. It’s extremely unlikely. But the risk does exist. And you won’t know until you know.
So what do we do with circumcised people? We do Hatefat Dam Brit, which translates basically to “drawing the blood of the covenant.”
And what they do is they do a pin prick and draw one drop of blood. That’s all you need, just one drop. It’s like getting a finger stick by a nurse.
So no, it’s not as big a deal as surgery, but it’s still worth being a little scared of. Like, seems perfectly normal to me, but I will tell you that 100% of the men that have shared their experience with me has been that they really built it up in their mind that it was gonna be really scary and gonna be really painful, and they all said it really wasn’t that big of a deal.
Yeah, it did hurt a little bit, but not that bad, and mostly they were just relieved to have it over with, but all said that they scared themselves way more than they should’ve.
And don’t worry, anesthesia is allowed. Depending on whether you’re getting a circumcision or a Hatafat Dam Brit, differing levels of anesthesia may be used, but that’s a decision you’ll come to with your doctor or mohel.
When does a circumcision happen? Generally, far into your conversion process, but not at the very end. So the circumcision is going to come before the Beit Din and the Mikveh appointment that end your conversion.
If they tell you that you are ready to get a circumcision, you are nearly done. They don’t take that step lightly.
If you’re having a full circumcision, it’s going to be at least probably two months before you are done, just because recovery usually takes somewhere between four and six weeks. And you have to be fully healed before you can go into the Mikveh.
Recovery time for the Hatafat Dam Brit, the pricking, is basically immediate, so that can be done much closer to the mikveh and beit din.
It seems that different rabbis have different ways of doing it. You can ask your rabbi how they prefer to approach it.
Hello.
What if you have a relevant medical condition? There are several things that could impact a circumcision, espe- if, if you’re having the full surgery. There are the very rare blood clotting disorders, which actually get mentioned in Jewish law.
But nowadays we also have, like, blood thinners and diabetes that may not be very well-managed. Both of those could impact your healing process. Um, and of course, there are others that could possibly be there, but that’s a conversation to have with your doctor or mohel. In that case, you should have your doctor and the mohel on the same team.
So how much is this gonna cost you?
Well, a Hatafat Dam Brit is, is relatively cheap. I have seen them donated occasionally, doing it free for someone who was in a bad financial situation. But more frequently, I’ve seen it between 50 and $150, and either that’s directly to the mohel or it may be phrased as a “donation” to the synagogue or another Jewish organization.
But I would also suspect that the price may go up. You’ve seen this economy.
Now, for a full circumcision, that’s a very different story. The price can vary wildly. It depends on whether it’s done in a doctor’s office or a hospital, who performs it, whether it’s a urologist or a specialty surgeon or someone else. Your location determines a lot. Um, the anesthesia that’s used. And whether your insurance covers any of the cost.
If you’re paying out of pocket in the United States, an adult circumcision surgery ranges between $1,000 and $5,000, according to prices on websites for doctors who do this.
But if you’re in this situation, you probably live in an area where this is more common, and your rabbi will know a lot more and may be able to arrange a certain discount or other ways of making it more financially feasible.
Those of you out there who’ve had the full circumcision surgery as an adult, please drop your tips and tricks down in the comments section so this American can learn how to better help people in this situation.
And also, I’d really love to hear prices for your Hatafat Dam Brits or your circumcisions. Let’s crowdsource this, y’all.
And if this has gotten you curious about the steps in a Jewish conversion, watch this video next: The Ultimate Guide to a Jewish Conversion Step-by-Step.
And remember that link down below where you can get the free Rabbi Meeting Prep Sheet when you join my mailing list.
