The third anniversary of October 7th may bring up complicated feelings, especially if you’re converting to Judaism or still finding your place after the mikvah.
You may wonder whether this grief is yours to carry. You may worry that you aren’t feeling enough, or that feeling numb means you don’t care as deeply as you thought you did. But grief is not an entrance exam for Jewish belonging. Your emotional response cannot prove – or disprove – your sincerity.
In this reel, I’m talking about what we can do when our feelings don’t look the way we think they’re supposed to.
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Transcript below.
Transcript:
It’s the third anniversary of October 7th. Do you feel like you’re not feeling how you’re “supposed” to?
Hi, I’m Kochava. I’m a Jewish convert, and I help people who are converting.
When you’re converting or thinking about converting, today can make you feel like you have one foot in and one foot out. You might feel that suffering and sorrow, but still wonder whether you have any right to. Even after conversion, you can still worry about this.
On the other hand, maybe you feel like you’re not feeling enough and wondering if that means that you aren’t really meant to convert.
Or like me sometimes, that maybe you’re faking it all, even to yourself.
But our emotions are unreliable. At least here in America, we’re raised to shove down any negative or inconvenient feeling, compartmentalize it. So of course, you’d have a hard time connecting with grief physically. Your intention, your heart, is what matters.
Whatever you’re feeling today is an okay feeling to have because it’s your feeling.
But the question is, what will you do with that feeling? What will you do today in their memory?
For me, I’m gonna do more mitzvot today, and I’m gonna kiss my children and tell them how lucky they are to be Jews.
